In memory of Dennis D. Harline

It was 4 yrs. ago this May 29th that my dad passed away from cancer. You would think it would get a little easier the longer it has been...but I still find myself still amazed that he is not here. I think I might be more emotional because I am pregnant- but the shock of him being gone still hasn't gone away. Still!

You must know that I am a BIG TIME daddy's girl. So I took it very hard. He was diagnosed with Mesothelioma, a cancer of the lungs from asbestos poisining. (This was before they knew it caused cancer and used it for many uses.) And he lived in misery for about 2 1/2 yrs...and lived pretty normal for another 2 1/2 yrs. once diagnosed. He was getting alternative treatments from a doctor in Mexico and responding to it so well. He was a given 6 months to live and lived 5! Amazing huh?

I decided to even write about this subject because last night I was thinking about him...and relived the last day of his life in a dream. It is such a strong memory. We (my family) were all sleeping in his room at the Hospice location- and it was super hard to sleep because he breathed so loud through his mouth struggling with each breath. The sound was aweful. And finally most of us fell asleep after 4 am...and the nurse came in to give him his Morphine shot (he was in an incredible amount of pain and just underwent dialysis). I woke up to her voice saying...Dennis has passed. Seeing my sweet dad lay there not breathing- and lifeless in his eyes...was beyond words for me. His body went cold after a minute or so...and then they had to remove him to the morge.

I just wish my dad was still here so badly! It is so selfish of me to want something that doesn't coincide with God's will...and I do accept it most times. I just want him to see my kids and be here for hard times (like right now) and to be there for me. I do not presently have a wonderful relationship with my mom- so I feel quite lonely sometimes.

I hope I didn't put on too much of a sob story for you all...and don't get me wrong- I know without a doubt he is much happier, and isn't in so much pain, and miserable anymore. I just have to convince myself that it really isn't that long before I will see him again. (It just feels like a long time to me!) Our perspective on time on this earth is so limiting. I do miss my sweet dad and hope he knows how much I so very much love him.

sniff, sniff...the end of the school yr. is here

Annelise & her friend Aliyah

Getting Icecream to celebrate!

Annelise & one of her school teachers

I know that alot of you all might be feeling the same way I do...sad and happy that the school year is over. I am sad...because now I will have to entertain Annelise during the time when she was at school; and this means she is growing up too fast! But, I am more happy...because now we will get to play more...and I am excited to take the kids swimming. Oh...and now I don't have to get her ready in the morning in a mad dash to get her to school on time!

I put some pics in of her cute school program...and her school pics...and also of her dance recital. She did so stinking good in her dance recital and it made me so happy! She didn't dance in her recital last yr...she just stood there! (She was mad at me & tired) But this year...she did every step! Her teacher is a great lady and loved Annelise and said she belongs in dance. I hope she always has a desire to stay in it as she gets older.

No more school, no dance lessons...summer (and swim lessons) here we come! Well, not yet since it is raining outside right now.

Baby birds coming soon...

Now I am sure there is something in the water in our neighborhood! There are three of us pregnant on my street...and now a mommy robin laid eggs in a pine tree in our front yard! She is super protective and I almost got attacked by here to get you this picture...so enjoy! Her nest is so cute...and we let Annelise look in to see the eggs. I will have to post a pic when the babies hatch!

Am I complicated?

At least that is what I asked my OB at my last appointment...and his reply was, "well, yes a little." Josh I am sure would have replied absolutely! So, here is the down-low on my pregnancy complications.

1) The umbilical cord is not attached to the placenta in the center (where it is supposed to be) and is attached on the tippy edge of it. What does this mean? There is a good chance the baby might not get enough of the nutrients and sustenance to grow. End result...I have a very high probability of having a very pre-term baby. His last patient that had this condition had her baby at 28 weeks. But, my OB is very optimistic about me...and so am I.

2) I have a condition called vasa vellumous. Meaning the umbilical cord's purpose is to protect the 3 vessels (2 arteries and one vein) that run from the placenta to the baby. Well, in my specail case the umbilical cord is not fully covering them, and the vessels are exposed at the placental attachment. What does this mean? During delivery they could attach and the baby, or me could bleed to death...so we are probaby going to have to have a "c" section. End result: I will live through this one. Lots of you have had "c" sections...I am just a wimp and don't want to have one since I have done the other two normal.

Overall, I am not on bed-rest yet, which is so good. I am working a whole bunch this summer (until I can't reach my patients' mouths around my belly) & I am sure that I would go bananas. Thanks for all of your concern and I will keep you posted on any more details.

Midway...to where?

Ok...Josh has been the vacation scrooge of our family. But...I think "his heart has grown three sizes" lately. He took pity on us (me and the kids) and planned a weekend trip to Midway. It was so nice- we swam in the pool and relaxed in the hot tub, took long walks around the resort, rollerbladed along the most beautiful trail, and slept in and went to bed on time for once! We left Sunday after Stake conference and came back early tuesday morning. It was just right.

The coolest part of Midway is how green it is with all these pretty trails and little ponds everywhere. Oh...and it has all these craters all over. I asked so many people there to get the low-down on why they exist...but no one seemed to know. There is one that is quite famous for scuba divers because it is 65 ft. deep with crystal blue water. Josh wanted to go swim in it...(we could have) but I was too scared there would be some scary monster down below to eat my legs off! I am such a wimp now that I am a mom. I used to not be afraid of anything! Now I am afraid of the dark. Has this happened to anyone else except me? Anyways, it was such a nice short trip. But, I am sure that I am still going to want to get out of Utah officially for at least one trip before I add to our family!

I want to hear about all of y'all's summer plans! Where are you going this summer...or where do you want to go? Me? Anywhere out of Utah...I just need a change of scenery...preferably somewhere with palm trees!

Boy vs. Girl

Ok. So on Monday I had my second ultrasound to find out what we were having...and if you know what the sign below means...you guessed it! I am really excited. I actually was hoping for a boy...and Josh didn't care. Annelise really wanted a sister- so she is sad..but, oh well. (maybe next time...if there is a next time!) I just really wanted a boy because I think they are cheaper (fewer accessories) and Aaron really needs a friend to play with!

There was another reason we had to get the ultrasound...and it was becuase of a complication...and the doctor confirmed there is a potentially dangerous complication with the umbilical cord and the placenta...but I am sure everything will work out. It is funny, this is actually one area where I have just learned to not worry. I am a worrier for sure...but with pregnancy and birth...I feel if there is nothing I can do...I will just put it in the Lord's hands. This may interfere with Josh's hopeful plans to drag me to Panama for the temple dedication in August. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go all huge and sweat it out! We will have to see.

So, which would you rather have if you had another baby...boy or girl?

Happy Bday to Josh

It was Josh's birthday yesturday...and I think he might have been a little depressed it was on a tuesday. (Weekend bdays are way more fun!) But, needless to say, we still had a fun day. He got a special breakfast in the morning...went to work...came home early for a nap...we got take-out from Olive Garden...and then went bowling at the Junctin...with a finishing touch of icecream from Farr's (instead of cake...per his request.) That sounds pretty good for a weekday bday don't you think? Well, I did want him to feel special on his day...because he is pretty darn special to us. I sure love Josh and I am glad he was born!

Ps...Annelise told him to wish for a bike and some money for his bday wish...I wonder if he took her advice?

Thanksgiving Point Tulip Festival

We had so much fun with our cousins at the Tulip Festival! Only 20% of the blooms had bloomed...but it was still so fun & beautiful. It was our first time...and I can't wait to go back...and we suggest it to all of you!

The kids especially loved rolling down the grass hills! Aaron had a hard time figuring it out at first...and would crawl down & it was too funny! The second he would get out of his stroller he would run for it! This age is so funny and hard.
Annelise loves her cousins and loved the water features! It was such a nice day! Oh...and I loved the exercise walking!

Thanks for the idea & inviting us Vicky!

Honey...I'm home!

My favorite suggestions are: *Have a delicious dinner ready on time for his return.
*Prepare yourself. Touch up your make-up and be fresh looking.
*Be a litttle gay and a little more interesting for him.
*Don't complain if he's late. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair and have a cool drink waiting for him.
*Arrange his pillow and take his shoes off for him.
*Be happy to see him and eliminate all noise by children when he arrives. Have them cleaned and ready.
*Don't ask questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. He is the master. You have no right to question him.
*A good wife always knows her place.

I got this email from a sister-in-law...and saw it on good morning america...I wish you could read the article but it's not too small.(so I summed up the best...) I can email it to you though! I think it is too funny! I love the list of suggestions! I would have been the worst wife in 1955! Infact, I am not the best now! Josh was sick yesturday with some food illness. He stayed in bed all day and rested...and I think when he went to work today...I vented a little too much.

I wonder if it is my jealousy of him that he got to just lay in bed all day when he is sick...or the fact that his sickness only lasted a day when mine has been weeks and weeks...or maybe it is a combo of many things! Maybe I am a bad wife...but as Dr. Laura would say...too bad for him! You chose your spouse...now deal with your decision!

What is your least favorite thing about being a wife? I think for me it is the cooking part. I don't mind cooking, it is actually fun sometimes. If I had a menu planned each week...and knew what I was making each day...I don't think it would be so bad...but it is the thinking of "what should I make today?" that I really don't enjoy. I do however don't want you all to get the wrong idea...I do love Josh, and being a wife...and esp. a mother...but can't I just complain a little today?