In memory of Dennis D. Harline

It was 4 yrs. ago this May 29th that my dad passed away from cancer. You would think it would get a little easier the longer it has been...but I still find myself still amazed that he is not here. I think I might be more emotional because I am pregnant- but the shock of him being gone still hasn't gone away. Still!

You must know that I am a BIG TIME daddy's girl. So I took it very hard. He was diagnosed with Mesothelioma, a cancer of the lungs from asbestos poisining. (This was before they knew it caused cancer and used it for many uses.) And he lived in misery for about 2 1/2 yrs...and lived pretty normal for another 2 1/2 yrs. once diagnosed. He was getting alternative treatments from a doctor in Mexico and responding to it so well. He was a given 6 months to live and lived 5! Amazing huh?

I decided to even write about this subject because last night I was thinking about him...and relived the last day of his life in a dream. It is such a strong memory. We (my family) were all sleeping in his room at the Hospice location- and it was super hard to sleep because he breathed so loud through his mouth struggling with each breath. The sound was aweful. And finally most of us fell asleep after 4 am...and the nurse came in to give him his Morphine shot (he was in an incredible amount of pain and just underwent dialysis). I woke up to her voice saying...Dennis has passed. Seeing my sweet dad lay there not breathing- and lifeless in his eyes...was beyond words for me. His body went cold after a minute or so...and then they had to remove him to the morge.

I just wish my dad was still here so badly! It is so selfish of me to want something that doesn't coincide with God's will...and I do accept it most times. I just want him to see my kids and be here for hard times (like right now) and to be there for me. I do not presently have a wonderful relationship with my mom- so I feel quite lonely sometimes.

I hope I didn't put on too much of a sob story for you all...and don't get me wrong- I know without a doubt he is much happier, and isn't in so much pain, and miserable anymore. I just have to convince myself that it really isn't that long before I will see him again. (It just feels like a long time to me!) Our perspective on time on this earth is so limiting. I do miss my sweet dad and hope he knows how much I so very much love him.

sniff, sniff...the end of the school yr. is here

Annelise & her friend Aliyah

Getting Icecream to celebrate!

Annelise & one of her school teachers

I know that alot of you all might be feeling the same way I do...sad and happy that the school year is over. I am sad...because now I will have to entertain Annelise during the time when she was at school; and this means she is growing up too fast! But, I am more happy...because now we will get to play more...and I am excited to take the kids swimming. Oh...and now I don't have to get her ready in the morning in a mad dash to get her to school on time!

I put some pics in of her cute school program...and her school pics...and also of her dance recital. She did so stinking good in her dance recital and it made me so happy! She didn't dance in her recital last yr...she just stood there! (She was mad at me & tired) But this year...she did every step! Her teacher is a great lady and loved Annelise and said she belongs in dance. I hope she always has a desire to stay in it as she gets older.

No more school, no dance lessons...summer (and swim lessons) here we come! Well, not yet since it is raining outside right now.

Baby birds coming soon...

Now I am sure there is something in the water in our neighborhood! There are three of us pregnant on my street...and now a mommy robin laid eggs in a pine tree in our front yard! She is super protective and I almost got attacked by here to get you this picture...so enjoy! Her nest is so cute...and we let Annelise look in to see the eggs. I will have to post a pic when the babies hatch!

Am I complicated?

At least that is what I asked my OB at my last appointment...and his reply was, "well, yes a little." Josh I am sure would have replied absolutely! So, here is the down-low on my pregnancy complications.

1) The umbilical cord is not attached to the placenta in the center (where it is supposed to be) and is attached on the tippy edge of it. What does this mean? There is a good chance the baby might not get enough of the nutrients and sustenance to grow. End result...I have a very high probability of having a very pre-term baby. His last patient that had this condition had her baby at 28 weeks. But, my OB is very optimistic about me...and so am I.

2) I have a condition called vasa vellumous. Meaning the umbilical cord's purpose is to protect the 3 vessels (2 arteries and one vein) that run from the placenta to the baby. Well, in my specail case the umbilical cord is not fully covering them, and the vessels are exposed at the placental attachment. What does this mean? During delivery they could attach and the baby, or me could bleed to death...so we are probaby going to have to have a "c" section. End result: I will live through this one. Lots of you have had "c" sections...I am just a wimp and don't want to have one since I have done the other two normal.

Overall, I am not on bed-rest yet, which is so good. I am working a whole bunch this summer (until I can't reach my patients' mouths around my belly) & I am sure that I would go bananas. Thanks for all of your concern and I will keep you posted on any more details.

Midway...to where?

Ok...Josh has been the vacation scrooge of our family. But...I think "his heart has grown three sizes" lately. He took pity on us (me and the kids) and planned a weekend trip to Midway. It was so nice- we swam in the pool and relaxed in the hot tub, took long walks around the resort, rollerbladed along the most beautiful trail, and slept in and went to bed on time for once! We left Sunday after Stake conference and came back early tuesday morning. It was just right.

The coolest part of Midway is how green it is with all these pretty trails and little ponds everywhere. Oh...and it has all these craters all over. I asked so many people there to get the low-down on why they exist...but no one seemed to know. There is one that is quite famous for scuba divers because it is 65 ft. deep with crystal blue water. Josh wanted to go swim in it...(we could have) but I was too scared there would be some scary monster down below to eat my legs off! I am such a wimp now that I am a mom. I used to not be afraid of anything! Now I am afraid of the dark. Has this happened to anyone else except me? Anyways, it was such a nice short trip. But, I am sure that I am still going to want to get out of Utah officially for at least one trip before I add to our family!

I want to hear about all of y'all's summer plans! Where are you going this summer...or where do you want to go? Me? Anywhere out of Utah...I just need a change of scenery...preferably somewhere with palm trees!